Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Danger Mouse 2.0 E9: Welcome to Danger World


By George, it's a... An ant? In a dragon suit?

We join the adventure, already in progress, as Danger Mouse and Penfold face off against a massive, terrifying dragon ant in a dragon suit. DM is severely disappointed with this turn of events, and chastises Penfold for reprogramming the holographic training simulator. Before Penfold can have more than his second-favorite tie destroyed, however, the Colonel breaks into their program with shocking footage from Cambodia.

Jazzercise? Really, Colonel!

Wait, not that footage.

Nooo! Not selfie-guy! Sweet precious cinnamon roll is too good and pure for this horrible world!

Here we go. Aliens with some kind of weird camera-like devices are snapping up landmarks and people in a shocking manner! Selfie-Guy is just one of the natives captured as landmarks and animals disappear into the cameras. Worldwide, Mount Rushmore, Notre Dame and most disturbing, Big Mike's Pie Shop have already been stolen!

Has the exit been talking to us this whole time and I just noticed it? Who's leaving these messages? Squawks? It's cute!

Admonishing his assistant that this just proves that the world needs heroes, not cowards who reprogram training simulators, DM rushes for the Mark IV. A quick launch sequence later and the boys are airborne.

Upon arrival in Egypt, DM makes quick work of the balloon animal-like aliens. However, upon pausing to confront one of them, he is asked for directions to the gift shop. This puzzling invasion is quickly explained as a space ship lands next to the befuddled hero.

"And don't come back without a proper Babel fish!"

The tour director, a being of two rather distinct minds, has come to give a guided tour (and fleece more money out of these intergalactic rubes) of the desert country to his patrons. Penfold's enchanted with the idea of taking the tour, but DM's not having it. Penfold being shutter-napped by one of the tourists is the last straw, and DM makes quick work of the tourists and Quark before sending them packing.

Home again, Danger Mouse and Penfold relax, enjoying a respite from the nonstop danger and peril. The narrator wonders if DM will spend this time calling his mother (like he said he would), or if he'll notice the huge alien eye looking in the window at them. They do notice, and are upset when the alien's "camera" nabs a goodly chunk of their wall. Danger Mouse clobbers the eyeball-tentacle alien, only to discover that he's been set up. Quark is bringing tourists to see HIM now, and the aliens are loving seeing the monocular mouse in action. Appealing to DM's (massive) ego, Quark convinces him to sign some autographs and play it up a bit for the tourists. Penfold is appalled that his hero is such an easy schmuck to manipulate.

We see one of Quark's hyperbolic advertisements for the Danger Mouse Extravaganza briefly before checking back in with Penfold, who's trying to repair the pillarbox all alone. Colonel K calls, demanding Penfold find the errant agent so HE can save the world from the grotesque theme park makeover that Quark is giving the planet. Though Penfold's able to find DM, he's initially unable to get the agent to see that Quark using the entire polar ice cap to make a Danger Mouse ice sculpture is a bad thing. (Massive, MASSIVE ego)

The whole planet has been turned into a tourist trap, and even Colonel K's hologram and Professor Squawkencluck have had to find new jobs under the new regime. The moon's even been turned into an enormous car park!

Well this gives new meaning to the phrase "Retail Hell".
Only slightly chagrined, DM agrees to speak to Quark about this. The boys arrive at a packed arena, and discover that Quark has a new gimmick for the Danger Mouse Show. If DM won't perform on cue, then who will save the planet from the gross alien creature that attacks people with it's gross tongue?

Upon seeing the Queen licked by the gross little creature, DM is incensed. "Nobody licks her majesty... WITHOUT royal approval!" The tongue-monster is quickly dealt with.

Penfold's becoming a sneaky little sneakster. I like it.

Quark is just going to keep releasing monsters to force DM to fight, though. The agent is baffled on how to defeat Quark.. but Penfold has a plan. He announces that Danger Mouse is challenging Quark to a fight, and notes that if the fight doesn't happen, then they'll just have to refund all the tourists' money. The greedy alien is quick to agree to get beaten up for quick cash, but Danger Mouse manages to overcome his natural inclination to beat and defeat his foes. The performance is downright embarrassing.

Quark desperately tries to get DM to fight back, even tying him to the London Eye and turning it loose in the city. The crowd has a new hero, and Penfold's got the market temporarily cornered on Quark merch.

"Pleaaaase don't make my next browser game in Flash! I beg of you! It's a dead-end technology!"
Danger Mouse sets the eager crowd of photo hounds on the horrified Quark, who flees the planet with his public close behind. DM is forced to concede that the world really DOES need cowards as well as heroes. The Mark IV has been stolen as a souvenir, so the boys are forced to take the Danger Mouse Coaster (covers all of Europe) back home.

So how long until all this incredibly DM-centric infrastructure is dissolved?

Episode Rating: 4/5

Again, it's always nice to see Penfold save the day. This reimagining of Quark is going to take some getting used to for me, but it's a unique twist at least. The whole "moral of the story" bit feels a little off, but it's a strange enough journey to get there that it's not terribly annoying.

Danger Rating:

There are SO MANY Danger Mouse theme park things. Let's just lump them all together, shall we?

Danger Car (Mark IV)
Danger Flat
Danger World (and many, MANY pieces of Danger Mouse memorabilia)

Callback Moment

J. J. Quark was introduced back in the 80's, in the aptly named episode Quark! Quark! In it, the antagonistic alien is attempting to take over the Earth, as most villains do. That version of Quark was far different from this new one, though. Besides being in the world domination game instead of the tourism market, the previous incarnation of Quark lacked the second mouth (and mind) of the newer one. Instead, Quark's pessimistic half was provided in the character of his robot servant/sidekick Grovel. Quark was defeated by Penfold (and his silly face) in his first appearance, but made two more appearances as he tried to defeat the two spies and claim the Earth (which he claimed he'd inherited) as his own.

Landmarks vanishing worldwide is old hat to the Danger Mouse universe. Be it via Greenback or even a fourth dimensional demon, the Earth seems to have serious trouble keeping its famous sites in place. Then there was that plague of pyramids cropping up all over... You know, maybe they should just tie everything down, just to be safe.


  1. Never trust anyone named Quark. Just don't.

    1. Certainly not anyone so two-faced that they have two literal mouths.