Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Danger Mouse 2.0 E7: The World Wide Spider

SPIDERS! Arachnophobes, turn back now!

Our hero, ladies and gentlemen.

We open with a stirring speech, courtesy of the narrator, about how London is the home of heroes. And here, in a quiet corner of Mayfair, is the bravest of them all.. Danger Mouse! Except that DM is currently running screaming from the bathroom because there's a spider in there! The narrator is aghast, but quickly freaks himself out and also runs out of the episode screaming.

Penfold is adamant that a cup and a newspaper are all that's needed to take care of any pesky spiders. However, the spider in the bathroom manages to pummel him and fling him bodily from the room. Rolling up his sleeves, the stouthearted assistant gets serious. Moments later, a rather large spider and an assortment of luggage have been kicked to the curb.

Apparently Penfold could get work as a bouncer if he really wanted to.

Dang, excellent work, Penfold!

A little later, as Penfold dusts the flat, he notices a bit of webbing hanging from the ceiling. As he tugs on it, DM gets a static-riddled call from Colonel K. The very internet is under attack! How will doctors and police function? Worse, you can't even play Giraffe Warriors! Something MUST be done!

How big is the SPIDER?

Promising to take the perpetrators offline permanently, DM signs off to discover Penfold's rolled up a truly impressive giant wad of spider web. Our hero bravely tells his sidekick to take care of all things related to eight-legged crawlies here at home and sets off on his own. And by that of course, I mean he nearly sets a land speed record for a mouse running away in his flying car. We're treated to a brief gag where DM activates another of the Mark IV's seemingly endless supply of handy gadgets, an "Auto-Penfold". The "AP" promptly explodes to pieces in a panic upon being told there's a crisis, which DM muses is uncannily like the real thing.

Hey, we've seen tall-hat monkey guy before in Planet of the Toilets! Is this what he does in his spare time?

Well, to work, then! DM asks the iPatch to locate the source of the internet attack, but due to the state of the internet being what it currently is, he's instead treated to an "Interesting Cat Rack" before the system manages to trace the source of the attack... back at HQ! Danger Mouse hangs a u-turn in the sky over London and sets off once more!

Look out behind you, Penfold!

Penfold's hard at work on the giant gob of spider web when DM swings in through the window, creating an entrance at least 80% more dramatic than really needed. When asked if he's seen anyone "attacking the web", the assistant replies in the incredulous affirmative that HE has been doing so with his saw. DM theorizes that maybe... possibly... the "web" that carries information and the giant spiderweb that Penfold's working on could be one and the same!
Penfold's also tried a chainsaw on that thing.

Professor Squawkencluck is rather incredulous that DM had to have something so blatantly obvious explained to him. "Of course it's a giant spider web covering the entire planet! What did you think it was?" And of course there's an ENORMOUS spider that made it! But there's no danger as long as no one tweaks the web and attracts the spider's attention. Cue Penfold (who hasn't been told to quit yet) and his jackhammer, and an impressive set of worldwide tremors smashing up iconic landmarks.


Squawks assures DM that the giant spider wouldn't eat mice. It would just eat THE ENTIRE PLANET! The danger's as big as it's ever been on eight legs, and our hero reacts exactly the way you'd expect a raging arachnophobic to... By passing clean out.


Meanwhile, the narrator is demanding to know just where, exactly, a spider that size could hide on Earth. The answer is, of course, under a giant rock. Ayers Rock, to be precise. A group of tourists runs screaming as the biggest spider your nightmares have ever conceived of comes crawling up from beneath. But not before one tourist takes a selfie with it. The spider then encases the Sydney Opera House in webbing before cocooning the rest of the city.

Wait... that's not how spiders... You know what? At that size, spiders can do whatever they want, however they want.

And Danger Mouse is... heading in exactly the wrong direction? After Penfold and the DangerNav berate him for his faulty directions, we're back on track at a speed so slow, snails are insulted by it. Colonel K calls with some good news and bad news. The bad news is that the spider has encased Australia and East Asia in web and is headed to India. The good news? All the extra webbing means the internet speeds are just smashing now. The boys must stop the spider, but without tampering with the web. At least not until the Colonel's unlocked this next achievement. They speed off for India, whose cocooning is already in progress.

And now we've moved to "goofy tourist holding something up" poses!

 And there's that selfie-tourist again! The boys arrive to see the whole city is nearly covered with webbing. DM is petrified. Not to worry though, Penfold has a plan! They just need to scale up the tried and true "cup and paper" spider trap. DM manages to get a massive newspaper and prepares to snap the trap with a construction crane and the massive onion dome from the Taj Mahal. Penfold is to play the part of the bait.

The spider is enchanted with the lively musical number that Penfold's able to whip up, and dashes in to join the dancing. When DM hesitates to drop the dome on the spider, however, the spider is very unamused with their trick. Danger Mouse panics, falling from the huge crane. Luckily, Penfold saves him in the Mark IV, crowing that "running away is his specialty!"

 The Earth is very shortly encased in spider web. And what of our heroes? Well, DM's got a plan. They'll hide in this cave. Forever, apparently. DM finally sputters out a confession; he's "slightly unnerved" by spiders. Penfold's reaction is one of complete and utter disinterested "duh, no kidding." However, Penfold notes DM picking up a tiny, tiny spider in the cave. Danger Mouse isn't at all afraid of this miniature spider. After all, no one is. Penfold has once again got a plan! Spiders are spiders, regardless of size. They just have to work DM up to facing the giant spider!

So this is Raoul's day job?

The duo spring into action, and DM is presented with ever-larger spiders to raise his tolerance. They even get massages from Raoul, the big spider Penfold tossed out on his ear this morning. The Colonel calls once more to update them on his Giraffe Warriors score and the World Wide Spider. The huge beast has made its way to London. It's now or never if they want to save the world! DM has a plan this time. To fight a giant spider, they need a giant vacuum. And Danger Mouse has one in mind... The Vacuum of Space!

Wow. Uh... literal.
Back in London, the selfie tourist and the rest of his tour once again are treated to the World Wide Spider, this time making an appearance at Nelson's Column. This time, however, DM is ready! Drawing the spider's attention, he cues Penfold to start the vacuum. It's working! The massive spider is caught up in the suction and is moments from vanishing down the vacuum hose forever!

But then, the spider babbles a plea for mercy. He's afraid of vacuums, you see. DM springs into action, seizing the last of the spider's giant hairy legs as it's nearly pulled completely in. Penfold shuts the giant vacuum down, and the guys have made a new friend. One who likes table tennis, actually.

And thus, Danger Mouse indirectly caused the extermination of the fly people.

Back at HQ, DM briefs Colonel K on how the giant spider (whom we discover is named Lionel), has agreed it's too dangerous for him on Earth, but he fixed the internet before taking the Danger Pod into the nearest black hole. Checking up on Lionel, we discover he has crash-landed... on a planet of giant flies? Well at least he's happy. We fade out on the Mark IV with the Vacuum of Space attached, cleaning up the excess spider webs as our narrator ponders what new dangers will be popping up next.

Episode Rating: 4.5/5
It's not often we see Danger Mouse petrified with pure terror! And it's even less often that we've seen his faithful assistant rise to the occasion several times over the course of a single episode. DM is knocked down a peg with his debilitating fear of spiders, which creates a lot of interesting (and funny) situations for Penfold to get them through. This one was a great team-building event for these two!

Danger Rating:4
This episode was pretty dangerous, even without the giant spider! Here's a recap of all things "Danger" in this episode.

Danger Flat
Danger Car
Danger Pod
Callback Moment
THIS is how we deal with spiders, by sealing off the room and nuking the house from orbit. It's the only way to be sure!
This isn't the first time DM has tangled with giant spiders! In the episode "AAAGGHG! Spiders!" (which also started out with the boys discovering a big spider in the bath), Greenback's minion Stiletto is using an enlarging ray to create huge spiders that have covered most of the city of London in webbing. But while DM was frightened of the big spiders in this episode, Penfold was (predictably) the one so scared he had to be talked through it.

Come to think of it, was this ever used in an episode? I'm blanking on it.

For that matter, later seasons of the 80's series included a bit in the title song where DM is startled by and flees from a spider about the size of our friend Raoul up there.

The Auto-Penfold's exploding into bits is a callback to an episode of the 80's series, where in an intro we're told that Penfold's code name is "Jigsaw", because he goes to pieces in a crisis. Just like the real thing, that AP!


  1. I had totally forgotten the arachnophobia thing! AND the Jigsaw thing!

    1. The Jigsaw thing is one of my favorite gags from the old series